Girl
by xotakux2002x
Summary: wherein deidara learns that there is a good reason that people don't get on konan's bad side. sasodei oneshot, fem!deidara. which makes this sasodei hentai, not yaoi...


Deidara sat at the kitchen table, stirring his cereal near Itachi and Kisame. A small smile was plastered on his face. "What the hell are you smirking about, blondie?"

Deidara looked up to see Hidan walk in with Kakuzu. Even the insult couldn't dampen his high spirit. "You'll see soon enough, un."

Kakuzu raised a brow, and Hidan frowned. "What the hell do you-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Everyone but Deidara jumped at the sound of Konan screaming. "That, un."

A moment later, a very pissed Konan ran into the room, towels wrapped around her hair and body. "Where the hell is he?!" she growled.

"Right here, un," Deidara sat up and smirked.

"You think this is funny?! I swear, I'm gonna-"

"What exactly did he do to you this time, Konan?" Itachi calmly asked.

"What did he do?! He did THIS!" Konan ripped off the towel on her head to reveal wavy _pink_ hair. "That brat put hair dye in my shampoo! AGAIN!"

"Don't call me a brat, un!" Deidara stood angrily.

"I'll call you a brat if I want to! You steal my origami, blow up my room, put dye in my shampoo-"

"How nice, a fucking cat fight." Hidan muttered.

"STAY OUT OF THIS!" Konan and Deidara yelled. They returned their attention to glaring at each other. "You're gonna pay, Deidara."

The blonde smirked. "What are you gonna do, un?"

"Seriously, Konan, what are you gonna do to the little girl?" Kakuzu asked.

Deidara turned red. "I'm not a girl, un! Furthermore- Konan, what the hell, un?!"

Konan had drawn a strange symbol around Deidara. She rapidly made hands signs, and before the sculptor could react-"Forbidden jutsu 22!"-the symbol glowed and exploded, raising a cloud of dust and causing Deidara to scream.

When the dust settled, everyone looked at Deidara. He looked fine, maybe a bit slimmer. Except he was shaking. He began moving his hands all over his body. "What the hell did you do, un?!" he shouted in a slightly higher-pitched voice.

It was then that they noticed that Deidara had _boobs_.

Konan merely smirked. "I used forbidden jutsu #22, the sex shift jutsu. For the next 24 hours, you are a **chick**."

For a moment, all was quiet. Then, Hidan burst out into laughter, rolling around on the floor. Deidara got redder. "It's not funny, un!" he hissed.

Hidan had tears rolling down his face. "Oh yes…it is…" he gasped.

Kisame was laughing quietly. "This is hilarious."

Even Itachi couldn't keep from smirking. "At least your hair fits you now."

Deidara was shaking by now. Suddenly he turned and ran out of the room. "DAAAAANNNNNNNAAAA!"

Everyone froze at the cry. "I wonder what Sasori will do," Kakuzu muttered absentmindedly.

The whole room burst into fits of laughter.

Meanwhile, Sasori was in the room he shared with Deidara, trying to finish a puppet. He was so close, when he heard a scream. Oh great. Deidara was calling for him. A moment later, he heard their door open and slam shut. Yup, it was definitely his partner. Sighing, he turned around. "Look, brat-" he stopped short. A blonde woman had just come in.

The intruder began speaking. "Danna, I-"

"Who are you?" Sasori rose to his feet, prepared for a fight.

"What the- Sasori danna, it's me, un!"

"I don't know what you're trying to pull, but Deidara is a _guy_."

Deidara laughed quietly. _Great. Of course this would happen._ "Danna, I'm serious!" Deidara held up both hands and showed the handmouths. "See?"

The look on Sasori's face showed he wasn't convinced.

Deidara was getting annoyed. "Ok, want more proof, un? You call me Dei-chan when we're alone, you love watching me eat dango, and your favorite thing to do during sex is make me use my mouth to-"

"Deidara, what the hell happened to you?!" Sasori's eyes widened.

Deidara's eyes got watery. "I put dye in Konan's shampoo, and she started yelling at me, and Hidan called me a girl, and Konan used some weird jutsu thingy to make me a chick, and, and-" the sculptor burst into tears. "Danna, I don't wanna be a girl, un!" Deidara lunged at Sasori, knocking them both to the floor. "Ow, un!" the blonde sat up, rubbing the new breasts. "These things are tender, un."

Sasori blushed slightly. His hand reached up and under Deidara's shirt, lightly squeezing. Deidara squeaked. Sasori ignored the sound and slid his hands down into Deidara's pants. "Yup, she really did make you a girl. How long will this last?"

Deidara frowned. "One day."

Sasori smiled. "That's good." Deidara glared. "What? This could have been permanent, you know."

Deidara's gaze softened. "I guess, un." Slowly, the blonde stood. "But what do I do until then, un?! I'm stuck in this weird body, and-" Deidara stopped and looked in the mirror. Very slowly, the sculptor turned from side to side. "Danna, these pants make me look fat, un."

Sasori stared. "What did- what did you just say?!"

"I said these pants make me look fat, un." Deidara pouted. "Damn, I can't believe this, un! I have to-"

"Deidara!" Sasori ran up and began shaking his partner. "Pull yourself together! Just because you look like a chick (and are currently stuck in a chick's body) does not make you a woman!"

Deidara stared at Sasori, looking quite dishelved. "Thanks, danna, I needed that." Sasori walked to the door. "Sasori danna, where are you going, un?"

"To find Konan. And you're coming too!" he shook his head. "We have to get her to undo the jutsu."

Deidara followed him, nodding.

--

"I can't undo it."

The artists glared at Konan, who was sitting in the living room, reading a book and smiling at her handiwork. "Why?"

"Like I told blondie, that jutsu wears off in 24 hours. Time's the only thing that can break it. So, why don't you two relax and have fun?"

Deidara sighed and walked out of the room, probably going to their bedroom to sulk. Sasori, however, raised a brow at Konan. "What do you mean, 'have fun'?"

She grinned evilly. "Come on, Sasori. You two screw all the time. Haven't you ever wondered what it would be like if Deidara were a girl?"

Sasori turned red and walked away. Konan laughed to herself and returned to her book.

--

It was late at night, and Sasori still couldn't get Konan's words out of his head. Did he ever wonder….of course he did! It was simply curiosity, after all. And now he had a chance to find out what that would be like. But only tonight, because the jutsu would wear off by tomorrow.

However, he severely doubted the blonde would go for it.

Sighing, he stared at his partner, who was currently sprawled out onto the bed. _Grr, dammit, he had an easier time getting Deidara when the sculptor was a guy! And why the hell was that?! _Sasori's face darkened, trying to figure out what to do.

"Danna? Deidara had sat up, concerned with the look on Sasori's face. "Are you ok, un?" Then, the blonde cocked a very feminine head to the side.

Sasori looked at his partner and lost it. "_Screw it, I'm doing this!"_ He stood and walked over.

Deidara stared at him, slightly confused by the sudden movement. "Sasori danna, what are you-" the blonde was cut off by a sudden kiss. Deidara's eyes shut, hands moving to Sasori's hair. Sasori pushed the two of them down onto the bed and straddled the blonde. Deidara's eyes opened wide, cheeks blushing. "Sasori, what are you doing, un?!"

"I'm taking advantage of the current situation, Dei-chan." His hands slid down and pulled off the blonde's shirt, exposing the newly gained breasts. His fingers traced gentle patterns all over his partner's chest, making Deidara moan softly. "Is that ok?" the blonde nodded slightly, and the puppet master smirked. "Good." His mouth returned to Deidara's lips, tongue begging entrance.

The blonde was all too happy to let the red head in, allowing Sasori dominance almost instantly. Soft moans escaped as Sasori moved his hot tongue around, exploring the moist cavern he knew so well. Deidara's hands moved to the hem of Sasori's shirt, tugging it upwards and forcing them to break their kiss long enough to get the article of clothing off.

Their kiss paused, then restarted with newfound passion. Sasori's nimbel fingers soon made their way to his partner's chest, cupping a squeezing the soft breasts until a chorus of breathy sighs escaped Deidara's lips. His mouth slipped away from the blonde's to suck on a pert nipple, whilst his now free hand slid into Deidara's pants and began fingering the unexplored area between the bomber's legs.

Deidara moaned softly at the indescribible sensation, sliding a hand down Sasori's own torso and dipping below the red head's waistband. The Akasuna hissed as he felt one of the sculptor's handmouths flick out and lick his heated length. "Come on, danna. Take me, un." Apparently, the jutsu hadn't affected Deidara's impatience.

Sasori slid Deidara out of the remaining clothing, leaving the blonde exposed before the red head. Sasori slid out of his own pants and grabbed Deidara's legs, spreading them apart. "Ready, Dei-chan?" Deidara nodded. "Ok. This'll probably hurt." Sasori carefully slid into Deidara, and the blonde screamed as he came in through and entrance that until today had not been on the sculptor.

Sasori paused, holding on tightly to the blonde as he waited for Deidara to adjust. His partner began to fidget, and he took this as a sign to move. He pulled out and thrust in again slowly, making Deidara whimper. Gradually, though, the bomber began rocking upwards into Sasori, body pleading for more as breathy sighs filled the room. Sasori obeyed, his pace increasing slightly, much to the blonde's delight.

Deidara was getting closer and closer to the edge, muscles finally contracting and body buckling beyond control. Sasori uttered his lover's name and came deep within Deidara.

A moment later he pulled out and lay down next to the exhausted blonde, pulling the sculptor onto his chest. "That wasn't too bad," he whispered contently.

Deidara sighed and snuggled closer. "Yeah, un."

"Love you, Deidara."

"Love you too, danna."

--

The next morning, Sasori woke up at the sound of a high pitched scream. His eyes shot open to see Deidara sitting up and shaking.

The blonde was still a girl.

"Danna, Konan lied! Grr, I'm gonna kill her, un!" Deidara sprang out of bed and ran to the door, only to be yanked back into the room by Sasori's chakra strings.

"You idiot! Put some clothes on first!" Deidara blushed and quickly dressed, then ran out the door.

"KONAN!" The blue haired ninja smirked and looked up to see a very again blonde glaring at her. "You lied about the time thing, un!"

"Hmm?" she looked surprised. "It should have worn off, unless…."

"Unless what?"

She grinned evilly. "You two had sex, didn't you?"

The sculptor blushed three shades of red. "What's that have to do with anything, un?"

"Well, the jutsu wears off in 24 hours….unless you get pregnant."

Deidara's jaw dropped. "I get-I did-what do-DAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNAAAAAAAA!" the poor blonde ran out of the room.

"Is that true?" Konan turned and saw Itachi and Kisame walk into the room.

She snorted. "Hell no. The jutsu actually lasts 48 hours. I just wanna mess with them." She heard a loud scream from upstairs. _Must be Sasori._ "And now we're even, blondie."

Itachi shivered. "Remind me never to piss you off," Kisame whispered.

Konan sat back in her chair and smiled. "Hell hath not the fury of a woman's scorn."


End file.
